To be or not to be, that is the question

Tues April 27th - Day of the pregnancy test

I woke a little before my alarm this morning and for a brief moment forgot all about the last few weeks. I felt normal.
Then I remembered what I was supposed to be doing this morning and the butterflies descended into my tummy for today was the end of our two week wait - the day of the test.

I managed to pee in the pot provided without spilling any on myself or the floor which demands respect and congratulations because its not every day you have to aim, fire and halt your own pee with military precision. The collected sample then had to be left to settle (gross) and get to room temperature. Then the testers came out, I say testers because we were asked by the clinic to trail two testers and report back with our opinions. I must say they were both easy to use but probably not as easy as peeing on the usual plastic sticks you buy from Boots (and we have all tried one at some time)

Well all hope faded fast as the first test soaked up the pee and passed up beyond where the positive line should be and continued upwards until the control line appeared in all its glory. Now I was grateful at this point for having the two tests because it gave me hope that maybe the other will be positive and leaves me confusion rather than in tears but no the second one was negative too. Now I have two negative tests looking at me, whats a girl to do? Make a cup of tea for me and hubby and break the bad news.

Hubby took it well but to be honest he was a little distracted because this morning he has his pre-op appointment at the hospital. I know this has been giving him anxiety so I let him off with his lack of compassion as he is about to lose a bollock and thats enough to make any bloke quiver with fear and suck air through their teeth like a dodgy builder.

So off hubby went for his appointment and off I went to work. Nothing more to say really, yes its upsetting, yes I am very disappointed but I care more for my hubby and his future health at the moment, he is much more important to me right now and I need to support him by being positive, not wining and crying and being negative about things.

This reason for not getting upset might just see me through.