GAME OVER

Sat 3rd April

Hello, sorry Ive not blogged for a while but its been hard to find some time alone this week.

This blog is not about IVF but the devastating news about my Dad and how its affecting me.

In a previous blog 'theres never a good time to have a baby' I mentioned that my Dad was about to have treatment for cancer. Well he had an operation, late January, to remove a tumour from his chest wall. He has already had a tumour removed from the other side, 3 years ago. He had chemo and recovered fine so we were all hoping this would go just as well, unfortunately we were wrong.

He was recovering well after the op until a few days after Mum and Dad celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary (which was a lovely day and all the family came over for a nice meal)
Dad started having constant nausea and headaches. His doctor thought it was because he was coming off morphine, but it wasn't. We found out last Saturday that he has another tumour in his chest and 7 in his brain -GAME OVER.

The only thing they can do now is give him steroids to reduce the swelling and pain relief to keep him comfortable. They have given him 6 months - max.

So how am I doing? Well surprisingly ok actually. Yes I have cried in hubby's arms, and a little at work and in my car while driving to the hospital, but thats it. I wont cry in front of my Dad or Mum or Sister because I feel a responsibility to be strong and positive around them. He's not dead yet and I dont want these last days/weeks to be full of tears. He is already upset at what we are all going through because of him, I dont want to show him that I am suffering as he will only feel guilty.

I am not made of stone though, I am very upset but I have found a good way of coping and I will share it with you as you may find it useful if you ever have to face devastating news in the future. (especially those having IVF)

Find a quiet space were you wont be interrupted, have tissues ready and ask yourself 'What is the worst thing that can happen' Imagine you are being told the bad news. Listen to the words that you are being told and react to it honestly. Say the things you think you would say the first time you hear the news, don't think to deeply or too long. Let it out and have a cry.

When you have stopped crying, go back to the beginning, repeat the bad news again and this time say the things you would want to say if you had had time to prepare. Now try it for a third time, you should feel more comfortable with the news this time, its not new and your reaction will be controlled and calmer. Now you are ready for the worst and you can be confident that you will react better, as it wont be a shock.

You can do this for all sort of scenarios in your life. Preparing for the worst isn't a morbid thing to do, it is a savvy thing to do as it makes you stronger and ready to take whatever life throws at you. I feel like I have already lost my Dad and I have mourned for him during the last few days. Now I feel ready to face him getting ill and I am more determined to make these next few months more positive and happy for him, before he goes for good.