For now Iv'e decided to update you all but I may change my mind and delete this at any time.
So its been nearly 3 months since the day of the pregnancy test, let me fill you in on what's happened since, get your hankies ready:
April 29th hubby had surgery to remove his testicle, he recovered quickly but was hobbling around like a 90 year old man for a few days and I had to perform a few wifey tasks I wasn't expecting to do in our first year of marriage.
May 1st Dad passed out at home and did not come round. An ambulance was called and he was taken into hospital. He eventually woke up but he wasn't himself, he was never going to be the same again, or get to go home.
May 18th Dad passed away peacefully with me and Mum at his bedside.
May 24th Hubby was diagnosed with testicular cancer. They think they have removed everything but he needs a scan to be sure. Can this month get any worse?
May 27th Dads funeral.
May 29th Our first wedding anniversary. We decided to go away for a few days, didn't really enjoy it though.
June 11th Appointment at fertility clinic - see below.
June 16th Hubbys scan day, CT scan was fine but to say we are worried is an understatement.
June 23rd Finally got a good night sleep - at last.
June 27th Took part in the Race for Life in aid of Cancer Research, raised £300. I'm very proud to have done this, it wasn't far but its not the distance that counts. Dad said he would be at the finishing line and I believe he was.
3rd July Started work on the house again, lots to do but we finally feel like getting on with it, besides I promised Dad we would get heating in before next winter. I am not, repeat not, having another winter in this house without central heating.
So Iv'e had a bit to deal with recently, but I'm still here, not badly damaged or anything just maybe a little quieter than I was before.
The trip to the fertility clinic on June 11th was to reflect on the failed cycle and also to discuss the possibilities of freezing sperm should hubby need chemo.
It was clear from the meeting that our chances of having successful IVF or a full term pregnancy were slim. My fears about my fertility were true, my hormone levels are very low and my endometrium was poor, hence why the easter egg didn't nestle in for the duration. In order to improve this next time they would have to double the dosage of hormones and this carries higher risks of cancer along with even larger side effects (they dont tell you this but Iv'e been reading a lot about cancer recently and increased levels of oestrogen encourage the growth of cancerous cells)
There was no guarantee that they would get many eggs either because my FSH is so high = low amount of follicles left. In short, Im 34 but my ovaries are 40 years old and eggs older than 35 are past their best. Its ironic that after all hubbys problems its actually me who is the failure.
We left with the feeling that we would not be going back, even if hubby needs chemo we probably wouldn't freeze the sperm anyway. After all we have been through lately we couldn't cope with another ordeal anytime soon. The cost would cripple us and neither of us have any hope left for hearing good news on this subject, plus another birthday is approaching.
Your probably thinking that we should wait a little longer before we make that type of decision and your probably right. We may change our mind (if we win the lottery or have a medical breakthrough) but for now the subject is closed.
I think sometimes you have to listen to mother nature even if she doesn't say what you want to hear.
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